When you think about or talk about chronic pain, you may only think about the physical side of it. However, chronic pain can have a huge impact on a person’s life physically and mentally. It can change our sleep patterns and cause restlessness at night and even during the day. Given the lack of sleep and the constant thumping of pain somewhere in your body, this can lead to a disinterest in hobbies and social events. A feeling of anxiety. It can cause you to starve yourself, binge eats, feel isolated even when people are around you. It can lead to feelings of frustration and destructive self-talk. And worst yet, it can lead to or exacerbate depression.

One of the main things we have to beware of is the internal talk. Having destructive self-talk can make the situation worse and keep you from coping with your pain in a more constructive manner. When we are constantly flooding our brain with how much pain we are in and telling ourselves, “no one cares”, “I am a burden”,” I am useless”, “I can’t take this”, “It is all my fault”, or whatever your internal talk is, it can exacerbate the sadness, depression and even the pain. This was my self-talk for the first few years after my accident and the more I talked to myself like this the more depressed I got. And worse yet? These thought patterns turned into belief patterns which, I gotta tell you are hard to get rid of, but you can! And let me just note here that I still struggle with this every now and then. So this is an ongoing learning process for us all.

 So then what? Our next step then is to hide our feelings. So my thought pattern was, for many years, “I don’t want to burden the people around me or bring them down. So I will say everything is just fine, smile, and if the pain gets too much, grin and bear it!” Does anyone identify with this?

We who deal with chronic pain know how it feels when we have to deal with the consequences of overdoing ourselves and dealing with the extra pain afterward. We know how it feels to want to go to a social function yet when we get there all we can think about is going home because we are so uncomfortable. This continual pain can lead to our brains not being able to focus. My daughter calls me out on this all the time. She will tell me something and 5 seconds later I will ask her what she said. It is not because I am not listening, but between the pain and any medications that someone with chronic pain takes it can fog up the brain and thought patterns. And then we make the situation worst by telling ourselves we are bad moms, wives, friends, and co-workers.

We can also have the thoughts that people don’t believe us. Even with having had an accident, being hospitalized, and casts you would think it would be enough for my brain to not think this. But there it was rearing its ugly head. Especially nowadays because I am so much more active than I was at the beginning. More self-sabotaging thoughts!

OK, so what am I to do? I’m down all the time and I can’t seem to talk to myself in a nice way!  Well, I could tell you to just have positive thoughts. But we know that we cannot control our thoughts 100% of the time. Consider watching When Your Feeling Down-10 Easy Ways to Being Happy These 10 simple steps can bring you more cheer in your day when you’re just feeling a bit down. However, there are just extra steps above that video that can help. 

First and foremost, allow yourself to feel these things for a moment. And if you feel ready, go talk to someone. Let me tell you this was the best decision I ever made. My hip replacement happened, then my accident, and then my mom died all within 3 months. Then I found out I had cancer in the following 2 months. Do you think I wasn’t down? I was ready to give it all up. I blamed myself for my accident, my mom having to go into a center while I was in rehab and even for my cancer. I am not sure what would have happened if I did not go to my church and seek counseling. It changed my perspective on everything. So this is why it is the first and foremost thing you should do. Especially if your thoughts are running into hurting yourself or suicide path like mine was.

The best coping mechanism that was taught to me was to ask just a couple of questions when my thoughts were going off the path. 1. Is what I am telling myself really true? 2. How does this thought make me feel?  3. What would my husband, children, God, or my dearest friend think about what I am telling myself? 4. How would I feel if any of those people said these things to my face? And then journal those feelings. For me the 1st question well, sometimes, i would say to myself, yes of course it is true! But then I would ask the 2nd one and realize how harmful and hurtful I was being. But the last 2 questions? WOW, would I ever say these thoughts to any of the people? NO Would I be happy if any of those people said it to me? NO WAY! I would eventually realize it was my own self-sabotaging self-talk and not truth.

Look there is no 1 size fits all, to help with chronic pain or sadness and depression for those of us who suffer from it. But we can start with self-talk! And if you are watching and have a loved one who suffers from chronic pain, then be willing to sit and listen. They may not come out right away and talk about their true feelings. It may take a few months of consistently getting together every day or weekly, asking open-ended questions, and being willing to put aside what is going on in your life for just 20 or 30 minutes. Eventually, they will begin to realize you are trustworthy, loving, really do care, and truly are willing to listen!

You are taking care of yourself physically already with doctors, exercise, eating right, pain management, etc. So why not continue the process of taking care of yourself mentally. Starting today ask yourself those 4 questions…1. Is what I am telling myself really true? 2. How does this thought make me feel?  3. What would my husband, children, God or my dearest friend think about what I am telling myself? 4. How would I feel if any of those people said these things to my face? Grab a journal and start putting your feelings down. And if you’re ready, go seek help from a  professional. Don’t wait until it is out of control.

I’m Kristin Nitz with Big Boned and Broken

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Until next time, stay healthy, happy & wise!