As a woman, we have a lot of pressure put on us to look a certain way.

We are told we have to be supermodel thin, big breasts, full lips, big hips then small hips, and then back again, act and walk sexy everywhere we go, show off our bodies, be a sex kitten, and oh so much more.

But what if we cannot live up to this huge expectation that is put on us? What if we are slightly or a lot Big Boned? What if we are physically handicapped? 

What if we are BBAB and we are absolutely none of the above according to what social media and the world says we should be? Does it make us any less of a woman? Any less beautiful? Any less worthwhile?

Myself being a Big-boned and Broken woman, there have been many times in my life I have felt unworthy, useless, unattractive, and an outcast in our society. 

Especially since social media and the internet can onto the scene. And yes, I grew up in the dark ages. Without cell phones, social media, and OMGsh, computers! But guess what? Even then the stigma for women to be drop-dead gorgeous and stick-thin was placed upon our shoulders. And as a big-boned teenager in the late 80’s it played a huge number in the way I felt about myself.

Today women don’t just have TV and touched-up print ads to live up to, we have filters on social media that can trim our hips or add to them. Whatever the trend is today. It can thin out our waist, give us abs, and worst yet make our face and skin look as if we are poreless and a 55-year-old woman look 25 again. Wow, how difficult is that to live up to. It is no wonder our teens are depressed, cutting, starving themselves, and worst, committing suicide.

Then you add in being a BBAB woman who suffers from chronic pain and if it’s even more depressing. We can suffer from feelings of unacceptance, feeling left out, ugly, and like we don’t belong. This leads to depression, anger at ourselves, at God, and everyone around us! Some of us will stuff these feelings down way into our gut which leads to stress, weight gain, high blood pressure, lacking a sex drive, and striking out at the people we love most.

It has taken me several years to figure out how to live in the BBAB body and feel comfortable and happy right where I am today. Oh let me make it very clear, I still struggle with many of not all of these things I mentioned but today’s Kristin feels so different, mentally than the Kristin of several years ago and I want to share with you a few things that have helped me.

I know you may not like the first thing I am going to tell you, but here it goes. Exercise. Now I realize there are a few of you who may not be able to join an exercise class or do strenuous exercise, but the majority of you who are watching this can do something.

*When I first started out I started with yoga. I sat in a chair and moved my arms and stretched my shoulders, waist, and legs. This led to feeling better and better and I finally was able to take a slow yoga class. Now I have my own yoga plan that I do almost daily at home. And yes, I still start out in the chair. Hey, why stop something that works well?

*Walking was another thing that helped. Now I was instructed to walk after my hip replacement. So I started with ½ mile several days a week and overtime it led me back out to the regional parks to hike the trails. Now I hike 3-5 miles several days a week.

*Exercise bands were another item my physical therapist had suggested and I still use them a few times a week to this day. They are not going to bulk you up, but it will give you some added strength or at least keep the strength you already have!

Eventually a few years into my journey, I decided I was still dealing with a lot of hurt, anger, and depression so I sought the wise counsel of my pastor and then a counselor. This was a smart move because it helped me to deal with some of the “It’s all my fault” and “I deserve this” attitudes I was having. My counselor opened my eyes to the realization that what was happening to me was not because I was a bad person or I deserved it, it just happened. She helped me to open my eyes to ways to deal with the depression and suicidal thoughts I was having.

Another thing I started doing was keeping a journal. Now I fully admit that today, many years later since the beginning of my BBAB journey, I don’t write in it every day. But in the beginning, I did. And let me tell you how much it helped. The first journal was just blank-lined pages and I brain-dumped everything onto those pages. As a matter of fact, I am currently transferring those journal pages onto my blog. This brain dump helped because I did not have to worry about language or hurting someone’s feelings or what people thought about me. I could just dump it all out onto a piece of paper. 

*Eventually I went to a gratitude journal. This helped me to see the good things that were still in my life and were right in front of my nose. But when you are in constant pain it is hard to see those good things.

I also decided to try some holistic approaches to pain management. I tried acupuncture, meditation, CBD oil, breath therapy, sound therapy, herbal medicine, heat and ice therapy, essential oil, and several others. Many of these things I still use or do today and others did not work so well for me. I would like to persuade you to look into some of the holistic ways to deal with your chronic pain. You might find they work very well for you.

And of course, there is always traditional western medicine. Physical therapy and medications. And yes, I did and still do these too. Physical therapy helped me to know what muscles to work, why, and what, and how strengthening the muscles around the injured area can help to lessen pain. And of course, my pain management doctor has helped me with Radiofrequency oblation in my back and neck, pain medications, and steroid shots in my neck, back and knee. Depending on your injury and level of chronic pain, this may have to be the route that’s right for you.

No matter what you decide to do to help yourself and your chronic pain, remember your attitude can make or break how you feel and it can even change the whole feeling in a room of people. I am not saying we should not cry, feel down or talk to friends and family about it. I am talking about the “Poor Me” attitude.  It is important to not keep this” attitude running through our brain 24/7. I was there, so I understand. Along with all the things the world says women should be that I listed at the beginning of this video and then our own internal talk, this can be way overwhelming and no matter what you do to help yourself on the outside it just won’t work until the brain gets some healing. Our internal thoughts about ourselves have to be positive. Every day you need to look in a mirror and tell yourself…” I am enough”, ”I am beautiful”, “I am useful”, “I am needed” or whatever your negative internal talk is. And please let me not try to fool you into thinking I have this all figured out myself. Because I don’t. There are days I am my worst enemy. But every day I journal, I have at least 1 thing I am grateful for, I exercise, I read my Bible, I meditate, as well as several other things to keep me happy and keep my pain levels somewhat bearable.

Look, I know it is hard to be a BBAB woman with chronic pain in a fake social media beauty-obsessed world. But, 1 step at a time, 1 happy thought at a time, 1 attitude of gratitude at a time, and each day can get better and better. If you need to, toss out social media altogether for a month and see if that helps a bit. Do you want to feel better? Do you still want to look better? It is said that happiness is marked by a feeling of great excitement and euphoria. Happiness and smiling can help with pain and make a person look stunningly beautiful. It can make people want to be around you, trust you, and model after you!  So do yourself a favor and work on the head pain along with the body pain and see if in a month or two you don’t start feeling just a bit better.

I’m Kristin Nitz with Big Boned and Broken

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Until next time, stay healthy, stay happy, and stay wise!