My July 24, 2015, Journal

I have been having such a hard time since my mom passed away. But now my life has been changed forever! Today is the day that nothing will ever be the same again. Today is the day that nothing will ever be the same again. The stairs are a monster ready to eat me alive! And they did! I can’t believe how stupid I truly am.  All I wanted to do was come downstairs and be with my family and do it on my own. The entire reason that my doctor put me in rehab came true today.

I  was upstairs in my bedroom and felt very lonely and needed some company from my family. Plus I was hungry as well. As I came down the stairs, one of the steps was slightly loose and my sock slipped on the carpeted step, and down I went. The pain was so intense I could barely catch my breath through each of the screams. I don’t even recall seeing my family come to my rescue. But all of a sudden, everybody was surrounding me. My husband, my daughter, and my son. My screams were so loud that my throat was actually hurting as I was screaming. So much for using my singing voice. I don’t know for sure, but my poor family must have thought I was dying. My poor neighbors must have thought someone was killing me. Shoot, it felt like someone was killing me.

You see as I slipped down the stairs I did everything and anything to save my brand new full left hip replacement. As I look back on this, it might have been easier to have the new hip dislocated and replaced it into the socket than what I am going through right now. I grabbed the railing so tight it felt as if I crushed it, but I was moving so fast down the stairs that my hands yanked away from the railing and my right leg tucked under my behind. This would not be that bad, but then my ankle was crushed between the weight of my sudden moving fall and the edge of our open steps. Yes, my ankle sat half on the step and half on the edge of the step as I collapse on top of it.

My husband tried to get my leg from underneath me. But every time he touched me it sent searing pain through my leg and even up into my right hip. It was unbelievable. Of course, my husband called the ambulance and they came as soon as they possibly could be here. I hated the thought of being wheeled away in the ambulance. The emergency technicians asked me to stand up on my good leg so that they could put me on the Gurney, but I couldn’t even stand. It’d taken me the entire time that we waited for them to get my leg from underneath me because the pain was something I had never felt in my life. I had naturally birthed 2 kids and the pain of both of those births together could not compare! I am in so much pain I can barely breathe. My breathing is shallow and I can feel my ears are hot which means my blood pressure is HIGH!

In the emergency room, They didn’t have a room for me at first so I had to sit out in the lobby. After a lot of screaming, crying, and moaning, I think that they must have had some complaints from somebody because they’ve moved me into a room rather quickly. I could barely stand the pain it was so intense and they ended up giving me Dilaudid. Now I had Dilaudid when I was in the hospital for my hip and that stuff normally knocks me out Cold. I am OUT like a light bulb! But this time? No, not this time. This time it didn’t even calm me down. So much so that they came in and had to give me several shots over the course of being there because the pain was so intense. I don’t know what I did to my ankle but if this is what a break feels like, I don’t ever wanna do this again! 

My husband tells me that my kids stayed home because they would not be allowed to be in the emergency room since they are underage and usually in the ER there are only 1 or 2 guests allowed at a time. However, my girlfriend Shannon came as soon as she heard! She stayed with me and Anthony in the emergency room for a little while. I actually do not even remember her leaving I was so out of it with all the drugs they kept pumping in me. I’m so glad she came. Her prayers and her sweet shining face along with my husband holding my hand the entire time really helped to get me through this. One of the nurses who did not speak very good English kept trying to move my foot from side to side. I kept trying to tell her she can’t do that and it was hurting, but she would just look at me with a blank stare. Well, needless to say, she kept doing it and I kept screaming until finally a doctor came in and snapped at the nurse for what she was doing and took over wrapping my ankle.

They said that they could not set my ankle and that all they could do was put a brace and a wrap on it until the swelling went down. I don’t know how I’m going to be able to get through the next week or so. The pain that is shooting up my leg is unbearable. I can barely move whatsoever without searing pain. How am I going to go more than a day like this? How am I gonna get upstairs to my bed? How am I going to go to the bathroom? Man, I don’t know what tomorrow’s gonna bring, but today is just about one of the worst days of my life right now. I’m lying here writing this because I can’t sleep due to the pain being so intense. Let’s hope tomorrow brings less pain and less swelling so I can get it casted fast because the little sticks and the ace bandage around my ankle is not cutting it.

On the way home from the ER my husband had a great idea. He and his good friend Jeff unassemble my bed and brought it downstairs into our living room so I don’t have to climb the stairs. Because honestly, I know there is no way I can walk less alone climb a flight of stairs!!!. I’m so thankful for this. Let’s just hope once I get the ankle cast that I don’t find out there is something wrong with my hip too.

_________________________________________________________________________ Wow, as I read this thru a couple times it brought me back to the pain. It is weird how we tend to forget how painful a situation was, kind of like childbirth. On a scale of 1-10 in pain level this day, I was at a 20. I do remember as I laid in that bed and my husband on the couch next to me that first night how I hardly slept. Not only was I in excruciating pain the entire night, even on Percoset. It was a miserable first night, well, and several nights after. I knew then and now that I would never wish any of the things I have gone thru on my worst enemy!

My journey doesn’t end here. There is soooooo much more! If you want to read more about my journey, keep following. I will be posting more of my journals. All parts of my journal that are in italic are my current thoughts or additions, otherwise, everything else comes directly from the journal I was keeping at the time. I hope, if you know me personally, this gives you insight into what was really, truly going on every time you asked and I said  “I’m Fine ”. I also hope that for those of you who are going through something similar, this journal gives you hope that things do get better!