Tag Archives: Big Boned

Are You a People Pleaser

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People Pleaser

Are you a people pleaser? There are so many people out there that are people pleasers and trust me when I say from my own experience as a people pleaser, it is exhausting! 

Let’s look at some of the traits of being a people pleaser.

  • You have a hard time saying “No” to people ever your kids when they demand or request your time, your energy, and even things they want from you.
  • You tend to agree on everything. You have such a high fear of not being accepted you will agree on everything even if you really don’t.
  • You apologize for everything or worst yet will take the blame for things even if you did nothing wrong. Sometimes you do this to make the conflict stop other times it is just to please the other person.
  • Self-care is not in your vocabulary. You have a hard time taking time for yourself.
  • You crave validation from everyone, sometimes even strangers.
  • If you set boundaries, you have such guilt from it that you will end up giving in especially with your kids.
  • There is a feeling of always being anxious, especially when you are around people.
  • You have a high fear of rejection
  • You secretly resent people for constantly asking you for something.
  • You struggle with being genuine. You struggle to be honest with who you truly are to others.
  • You are a giver, but this is not the giving out of love and kindheartedness. The goal is acceptance. This is not genuine giving.
  • Fear of conflict. Even if the conflict has nothing to do with you, the fear of being around any conflict is high which sends you into either fixer mode or blaming yourself mode.
  • You probably are a perfectionist!

These are just a few traits of a People pleaser and yes, I can honestly say I use to have just about every single one of these traits. But I know from experience you can change it. You do not have to put this label on yourself and keep it there. Now I will say I am still working on myself with this one so It is a work in progress.

Let’s take a look at some of the effects of being a people pleaser. 

But let me preference this by saying that wanting to help people out of care, concern, love, affection, and kindness is not a bad thing. This is a trait that more of us should have. This is not the type of helping we are talking about.

So when does it become a problem? 

When you do it for acceptance, affection, or love of the other individual. We parents who are people pleasers have a hard time with this. Because as soon as our child gets angry, upset, or throws tantrums with us we are right there trying to fix it and make them love and accept us again. 

 It is also a problem when you just cannot say “No” and you end up feeling frustrated and overwhelmed. Which can all lead to people taking advantage of you. Then you start to feel burned out which leads to stress. And if you are someone with chronic pain or disabilities, this can lead to even more physical pain from the stress of doing too much or even from worrying. All this stress leads to higher blood pressure and elevated cortisol. Whew! That’s a lot!

So how does one change? 

Well, it is not easy. Let’s just be honest here. It takes time, commitment, and a willingness to remove this label sitting on your forehead that you have had there for most of your life. 

So let me walk through 8 things that you can start today to etch away at that label of People Pleaser.

  1. When you are asked to do something and you are ready to say yes ask yourself a few questions.
  • Am I saying yes and doing it for the right reasons?
  • Will it overtax my mind, body, or time?
  • Is this action going to be within my boundaries I have set for myself?
  • Do I have the time for this after my needs are met?
  • How will it make me feel? Resentful or happy?
  1. One of the other things that I have done is set self-care appointments in my calendar. I set Dr. appointments right? So I also set exercise, meditation, reading appointments and try to stick to them as best I can.
  2. Remember you do not need to get an opinion from every person in your life. When you need a person’s opinion ask just 1 or 2 people close to you, not everyone.
  3. Set boundaries. I mean actually write them down. Write down a list of the things you are currently doing and mark the ones that make you happy and the ones that don’t. Now a job might be in the don’t, so this need to be evaluated and maybe a change of jobs need to happen. Get the picture.
  4. Learn to say “No” NOT “I’m sorry but I can’t becasue…” No should never need an explanation.
  5. Try scheduling alone time. This is hard if your a parent soconsider  hiring Dad or a babysitter for 1 hour a couple times a week for some quiet time with just you!
  6. Be more honest with your feeling with your close friends and family. It is OK. Start out slow, because I know from experience this can be a hard one. Pick 1 person to start being honest with about who you really are and keep adding until it becomes second nature to be YOU!
  7. Lastly, if you struggle with chronic pain, disabilities, chronic illness, etc., it is imperative to make yourself a priority. It is important to know just how much time you can give outside of your daily routine and activities and to not go over this. Our broken bodies need a bit more TLC and when we overdue ourselves, even if it is just “sitting” it can really do a number on us physically.

Remember it is OK to say “NO”. People will not hate you for it and those who are currently taking advantage of you will actually come to appreciate you even more. Setting boundaries, especially for us parents, seems hard, but once again, kids and people will come to appreciate the fact you are consistant. And If you do say “YES”, make sure it is coming from a loving, caring place and not a want for love or acceptance. 

I’m Kristin Nitz with Big Boned and Broken

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Until next time, Stay Healthy, Stay Happy, and Stay Wise.

Self Sabotage; Negative Self Talk

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When you think about or talk about chronic pain, you may only think about the physical side of it. However, chronic pain can have a huge impact on a person’s life physically and mentally. It can change our sleep patterns and cause restlessness at night and even during the day. Given the lack of sleep and the constant thumping of pain somewhere in your body, this can lead to a disinterest in hobbies and social events. A feeling of anxiety. It can cause you to starve yourself, binge eats, feel isolated even when people are around you. It can lead to feelings of frustration and destructive self-talk. And worst yet, it can lead to or exacerbate depression.

One of the main things we have to beware of is the internal talk. Having destructive self-talk can make the situation worse and keep you from coping with your pain in a more constructive manner. When we are constantly flooding our brain with how much pain we are in and telling ourselves, “no one cares”, “I am a burden”,” I am useless”, “I can’t take this”, “It is all my fault”, or whatever your internal talk is, it can exacerbate the sadness, depression and even the pain. This was my self-talk for the first few years after my accident and the more I talked to myself like this the more depressed I got. And worse yet? These thought patterns turned into belief patterns which, I gotta tell you are hard to get rid of, but you can! And let me just note here that I still struggle with this every now and then. So this is an ongoing learning process for us all.

 So then what? Our next step then is to hide our feelings. So my thought pattern was, for many years, “I don’t want to burden the people around me or bring them down. So I will say everything is just fine, smile, and if the pain gets too much, grin and bear it!” Does anyone identify with this?

We who deal with chronic pain know how it feels when we have to deal with the consequences of overdoing ourselves and dealing with the extra pain afterward. We know how it feels to want to go to a social function yet when we get there all we can think about is going home because we are so uncomfortable. This continual pain can lead to our brains not being able to focus. My daughter calls me out on this all the time. She will tell me something and 5 seconds later I will ask her what she said. It is not because I am not listening, but between the pain and any medications that someone with chronic pain takes it can fog up the brain and thought patterns. And then we make the situation worst by telling ourselves we are bad moms, wives, friends, and co-workers.

We can also have the thoughts that people don’t believe us. Even with having had an accident, being hospitalized, and casts you would think it would be enough for my brain to not think this. But there it was rearing its ugly head. Especially nowadays because I am so much more active than I was at the beginning. More self-sabotaging thoughts!

OK, so what am I to do? I’m down all the time and I can’t seem to talk to myself in a nice way!  Well, I could tell you to just have positive thoughts. But we know that we cannot control our thoughts 100% of the time. Consider watching When Your Feeling Down-10 Easy Ways to Being Happy These 10 simple steps can bring you more cheer in your day when you’re just feeling a bit down. However, there are just extra steps above that video that can help. 

First and foremost, allow yourself to feel these things for a moment. And if you feel ready, go talk to someone. Let me tell you this was the best decision I ever made. My hip replacement happened, then my accident, and then my mom died all within 3 months. Then I found out I had cancer in the following 2 months. Do you think I wasn’t down? I was ready to give it all up. I blamed myself for my accident, my mom having to go into a center while I was in rehab and even for my cancer. I am not sure what would have happened if I did not go to my church and seek counseling. It changed my perspective on everything. So this is why it is the first and foremost thing you should do. Especially if your thoughts are running into hurting yourself or suicide path like mine was.

The best coping mechanism that was taught to me was to ask just a couple of questions when my thoughts were going off the path. 1. Is what I am telling myself really true? 2. How does this thought make me feel?  3. What would my husband, children, God, or my dearest friend think about what I am telling myself? 4. How would I feel if any of those people said these things to my face? And then journal those feelings. For me the 1st question well, sometimes, i would say to myself, yes of course it is true! But then I would ask the 2nd one and realize how harmful and hurtful I was being. But the last 2 questions? WOW, would I ever say these thoughts to any of the people? NO Would I be happy if any of those people said it to me? NO WAY! I would eventually realize it was my own self-sabotaging self-talk and not truth.

Look there is no 1 size fits all, to help with chronic pain or sadness and depression for those of us who suffer from it. But we can start with self-talk! And if you are watching and have a loved one who suffers from chronic pain, then be willing to sit and listen. They may not come out right away and talk about their true feelings. It may take a few months of consistently getting together every day or weekly, asking open-ended questions, and being willing to put aside what is going on in your life for just 20 or 30 minutes. Eventually, they will begin to realize you are trustworthy, loving, really do care, and truly are willing to listen!

You are taking care of yourself physically already with doctors, exercise, eating right, pain management, etc. So why not continue the process of taking care of yourself mentally. Starting today ask yourself those 4 questions…1. Is what I am telling myself really true? 2. How does this thought make me feel?  3. What would my husband, children, God or my dearest friend think about what I am telling myself? 4. How would I feel if any of those people said these things to my face? Grab a journal and start putting your feelings down. And if you’re ready, go seek help from a  professional. Don’t wait until it is out of control.

I’m Kristin Nitz with Big Boned and Broken

If you enjoyed this video, please consider hitting the subscribe and notification button for more content like this.

Until next time, stay healthy, happy & wise!

How to be Grateful in Tough Times

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Just from the title, you may think to yourself “What do I have to be grateful for?” I don’t even know you or your situation but I can think of 10 things you can be grateful for right this moment and I bet you can too. Today we are going to talk about starting a gratitude journal. What is it? Why keep it? Where to get them? And how to do it?.

So what is a gratitude journal? It is exactly what it sounds like. It is a journal that you write in on a regular basis where you jot down the things you are grateful for each day. It is that simple. Keeping a gratitude journal can increase your overall feeling of happiness, reduce symptoms of depression, and increase a more euphoric overall well-being. Hey that is pretty cool for just a sentence or two a day, don’t you think?

As far as what journal to get? Well, that is not as important as doing it. There are some specific gratitude journals that give you a prompt. There are those that are just lined pages, some are dated, but overall it is more important to just start! You can go just about anywhere to get a lined journal these days, but  I’ll link some in the description if you just have no idea where to start. Some of these were ones I liked over the years! 

So this brings us to the how and the meat of this video. How, is pretty easy. Just write down something that day for which you are thankful. Oh, but I know that is easier said than done. So I have a few ideas for you to follow.

  1. Don’t write the same thing every day. “I am thankful for our home”! That is a great one to write especially if you were not sure if you could pay the mortgage that month, but every day? No! Which leads me to
  2. Be creative. What about the nice meal you had with your family that day. How about having a fun holiday? You could even add ticket stubs, receipts, and pics to your journal if you want. I don’t because I write in my bed before turning the lights out and I am too lazy to get the glue and tape…LOL
  3. This leads us to the time of day. I have always thought bedtime was a great time because the last thing I think of before I go to bed is something positive.
  4. Be clear about what you are writing. Let’s use the house example again. If I say I am happy with my house. That’s not really clear. Write down you didn’t know how you were going to pay the mortgage and all of a sudden you got a huge refund in the mail. That is truly clear!
  5. However, we also want to focus on the people around us, not just the things we have in our lives. Make sure you are adding in the really nice cashier that made your day and why, your husband’s back rub he gave you unexpectedly, etc.
  6. Keep all negativity out of this book. This is a gratitude journal. Not a gratitude journal, But…. Get the picture?
  7. We all have terrible days when we can’t think of something fun to write. That’s ok. This is where you can be thankful for your mom, child, or spouse just because.
  8. Get personal. Be grateful for the negative outcomes that never happened because you were able to escape them. An example could be “I am so grateful I was able to swerve away from the car and no accident happened today!
  9. Be Consistent. It does not have to be daily, It can be weekly, daily or just the weekends, but whenever you decide on it, be consistent with it so it becomes a habit.
  10. Give it time to become a habit. A new habit can take as little as 30 days and as much as 100 days to form. So don’t give up!

Just a few prompt ideas would be:

What is one thing I am thankful for about myself

What is something I am doing well in

Did I do something nice for someone today 

Did someone do something nice for me?

Write 1 thing that is positive about a stressor today

Think about a person you admire and write about it

Name something that always puts a smile on your face

Name a way you can be kinder tomorrow

Name off an accomplishment

‘ Write about a place you visited

Write about something physically beautiful like your rose bushes, the 50ft tree in your backyard etc.

.Write about what made you laugh

Even write about a meal

Write a thankful thing from your childhood

Each day take 1 family member and write what you’re grateful for about them

Who are the top 3 people you are thankful or today

For the end of the month, quarter, &/?or year write your top highlights for the month

Write 3 things you love about your body, home, your job, your family

I think you are getting the picture. I hope those prompts help you. I will write them out in the description as well so you can print them.

You can see there are a lot of things you can write about in your journal. It can be short and sweet or big long paragraphs. It is up to you. Just give it a try for a month and see if you don’t start feeling a bit more thankful and grateful and having a bit happier sleep and dreams.

I’m Kristin Nitz with Big Boned and Broken. To get you started this journal is a nice one Here is a journal with prompts: https://amzn.to/3nGxyVA

Until next time Stay healthy, Stay Happy and Stay Wise.

Women and Chronic Pain

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As a woman, we have a lot of pressure put on us to look a certain way.

We are told we have to be supermodel thin, big breasts, full lips, big hips then small hips, and then back again, act and walk sexy everywhere we go, show off our bodies, be a sex kitten, and oh so much more.

But what if we cannot live up to this huge expectation that is put on us? What if we are slightly or a lot Big Boned? What if we are physically handicapped? 

What if we are BBAB and we are absolutely none of the above according to what social media and the world says we should be? Does it make us any less of a woman? Any less beautiful? Any less worthwhile?

Myself being a Big-boned and Broken woman, there have been many times in my life I have felt unworthy, useless, unattractive, and an outcast in our society. 

Especially since social media and the internet can onto the scene. And yes, I grew up in the dark ages. Without cell phones, social media, and OMGsh, computers! But guess what? Even then the stigma for women to be drop-dead gorgeous and stick-thin was placed upon our shoulders. And as a big-boned teenager in the late 80’s it played a huge number in the way I felt about myself.

Today women don’t just have TV and touched-up print ads to live up to, we have filters on social media that can trim our hips or add to them. Whatever the trend is today. It can thin out our waist, give us abs, and worst yet make our face and skin look as if we are poreless and a 55-year-old woman look 25 again. Wow, how difficult is that to live up to. It is no wonder our teens are depressed, cutting, starving themselves, and worst, committing suicide.

Then you add in being a BBAB woman who suffers from chronic pain and if it’s even more depressing. We can suffer from feelings of unacceptance, feeling left out, ugly, and like we don’t belong. This leads to depression, anger at ourselves, at God, and everyone around us! Some of us will stuff these feelings down way into our gut which leads to stress, weight gain, high blood pressure, lacking a sex drive, and striking out at the people we love most.

It has taken me several years to figure out how to live in the BBAB body and feel comfortable and happy right where I am today. Oh let me make it very clear, I still struggle with many of not all of these things I mentioned but today’s Kristin feels so different, mentally than the Kristin of several years ago and I want to share with you a few things that have helped me.

I know you may not like the first thing I am going to tell you, but here it goes. Exercise. Now I realize there are a few of you who may not be able to join an exercise class or do strenuous exercise, but the majority of you who are watching this can do something.

*When I first started out I started with yoga. I sat in a chair and moved my arms and stretched my shoulders, waist, and legs. This led to feeling better and better and I finally was able to take a slow yoga class. Now I have my own yoga plan that I do almost daily at home. And yes, I still start out in the chair. Hey, why stop something that works well?

*Walking was another thing that helped. Now I was instructed to walk after my hip replacement. So I started with ½ mile several days a week and overtime it led me back out to the regional parks to hike the trails. Now I hike 3-5 miles several days a week.

*Exercise bands were another item my physical therapist had suggested and I still use them a few times a week to this day. They are not going to bulk you up, but it will give you some added strength or at least keep the strength you already have!

Eventually a few years into my journey, I decided I was still dealing with a lot of hurt, anger, and depression so I sought the wise counsel of my pastor and then a counselor. This was a smart move because it helped me to deal with some of the “It’s all my fault” and “I deserve this” attitudes I was having. My counselor opened my eyes to the realization that what was happening to me was not because I was a bad person or I deserved it, it just happened. She helped me to open my eyes to ways to deal with the depression and suicidal thoughts I was having.

Another thing I started doing was keeping a journal. Now I fully admit that today, many years later since the beginning of my BBAB journey, I don’t write in it every day. But in the beginning, I did. And let me tell you how much it helped. The first journal was just blank-lined pages and I brain-dumped everything onto those pages. As a matter of fact, I am currently transferring those journal pages onto my blog. This brain dump helped because I did not have to worry about language or hurting someone’s feelings or what people thought about me. I could just dump it all out onto a piece of paper. 

*Eventually I went to a gratitude journal. This helped me to see the good things that were still in my life and were right in front of my nose. But when you are in constant pain it is hard to see those good things.

I also decided to try some holistic approaches to pain management. I tried acupuncture, meditation, CBD oil, breath therapy, sound therapy, herbal medicine, heat and ice therapy, essential oil, and several others. Many of these things I still use or do today and others did not work so well for me. I would like to persuade you to look into some of the holistic ways to deal with your chronic pain. You might find they work very well for you.

And of course, there is always traditional western medicine. Physical therapy and medications. And yes, I did and still do these too. Physical therapy helped me to know what muscles to work, why, and what, and how strengthening the muscles around the injured area can help to lessen pain. And of course, my pain management doctor has helped me with Radiofrequency oblation in my back and neck, pain medications, and steroid shots in my neck, back and knee. Depending on your injury and level of chronic pain, this may have to be the route that’s right for you.

No matter what you decide to do to help yourself and your chronic pain, remember your attitude can make or break how you feel and it can even change the whole feeling in a room of people. I am not saying we should not cry, feel down or talk to friends and family about it. I am talking about the “Poor Me” attitude.  It is important to not keep this” attitude running through our brain 24/7. I was there, so I understand. Along with all the things the world says women should be that I listed at the beginning of this video and then our own internal talk, this can be way overwhelming and no matter what you do to help yourself on the outside it just won’t work until the brain gets some healing. Our internal thoughts about ourselves have to be positive. Every day you need to look in a mirror and tell yourself…” I am enough”, ”I am beautiful”, “I am useful”, “I am needed” or whatever your negative internal talk is. And please let me not try to fool you into thinking I have this all figured out myself. Because I don’t. There are days I am my worst enemy. But every day I journal, I have at least 1 thing I am grateful for, I exercise, I read my Bible, I meditate, as well as several other things to keep me happy and keep my pain levels somewhat bearable.

Look, I know it is hard to be a BBAB woman with chronic pain in a fake social media beauty-obsessed world. But, 1 step at a time, 1 happy thought at a time, 1 attitude of gratitude at a time, and each day can get better and better. If you need to, toss out social media altogether for a month and see if that helps a bit. Do you want to feel better? Do you still want to look better? It is said that happiness is marked by a feeling of great excitement and euphoria. Happiness and smiling can help with pain and make a person look stunningly beautiful. It can make people want to be around you, trust you, and model after you!  So do yourself a favor and work on the head pain along with the body pain and see if in a month or two you don’t start feeling just a bit better.

I’m Kristin Nitz with Big Boned and Broken

If you like this video please hit the subscribe and notification buttons to see more videos like these.

Until next time, stay healthy, stay happy, and stay wise!

Are you a Man with Chronic Pain?

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Then please give me 5 minutes of your time.

Chronic pain affects men and women differently. Over 100 million people suffer from chronic pain here in America. Women, about 35% of them, will report chronic pain to their doctor, while men only about 25%. Why is this?

Men often feel they will appear less manly or even weak. This tends to make a man grin and bear it and hide it from doctors, co-workers, family, and friends. Raise your hand if you can relate to this.

This chronic pain can give you a lack of feeling manly and can all add up to depression, being impatient, loss of work, lack of enthusiasm for work, sex, family time, exercise, and much more.

Our society tells men they have to be strong, play sports, be a weightlifter, muscular, industrious, successful in business, be accepted by other guys or be treated as an equal in social functions. This can be really hard for a guy to live up to those expectations. But then you add in being a Big Boned and Broken man with chronic pain and it can leave you feeling inadequate and honestly it is absolutely impossible to live up to this.

All of this chronic pain, depression, anxiety, stress, lack of exercise & sleep can lead to further health problems. Which leads us to the Doctor’s office. Men are less likely to open up and give details to their doctors. But on the other side of the coin, most general practitioners truly don’t know or maybe weren’t taught how to handle chronic pain and even more so, how to handle the difference between male and female chronic pain. Add to that being big-boned and the answer from the doctor is usually “Lose some weight and all this pain will just magically go away!”

Our country needs to break down this stigma of men needing to “grin and bear it” and realize you feel pain just as much as a woman does and should be allowed to show it. But until this changes, what can you do to help yourself?

First and foremost get help. We have to deal with what’s going on in our heads before anything else. I know how chronic pain can change your personality. If you are feeling depressed or acting out to family, friends, and coworkers, feeling overwhelmed, etc., then consider talking to a trusted friend, family member, pastor, or counselor. You are NOT any less of a man because you admit you need help, cry, or have pain or because you are big-boned and broken.

Consider journaling if talking is just NOT going to happen or maybe you just don’t have a person to talk to or the funds for a counselor or don’t have a pastor. Sometimes jotting down your feelings can make a huge change in your attitude and your perspective on things. I will leave a link in the description to a couple of journals that you might like to use.

Research a few articles on holistic pain management skills. A few ideas would be yoga, meditation, acupuncture, breathing exercises, light physical activity, and even massage. There are so many ways to handle pain holistically and these I have mentioned are just a few. Find one that sounds good to you and give it a try for a couple of months. Remember holistic medicine does not change things overnight so give it a little time.

Don’t forget about the traditional way to handle pain through your pain management doctor, physical therapy, and of course medications if the pain is over the top. And please be open to your doctor so he can direct you in the path that will work best for you and your chronic pain. 

Look all those things I mention at the beginning of what the world says a man should be can be a part of what a man can be but it does not make you a man if you do all those things or any less of a man if you cannot achieve any other those things. So what makes a man?

I believe a true man is one who is loving to his wife and children, family, friends, and coworkers. One who keeps his promises shows kindness not just to people he knows but to strangers, knows when to say I am sorry when he makes a mistake, and the most important is a man of upstanding character.

Sometimes all we need to do is change our attitude about our life, our situation, or about other people to make us feel better. You know they say happiness is euphoric. So first and foremost work on an attitude of gratitude.

I’m Kristin Nitz with Big Boned and Broken.

Please if you have enjoyed this video, hit the subscribe and notification button.

Until next time, stay healthy, happy & wise!

What Happens to the Face is Shockily Cold as Ice.

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I thought I would take a moment and share with you something I have been reading a lot about lately so I went out and bought a product to try out and thought I would share it here with you.

I have always been an advocate of icing your eyes to reduce puffiness, but I have been seeing a lot of articles and IG posts regarding icing the entire face. They say it helps to constrict the blood vessels which reduces inflammation. OK, I knew that already from icing my eyes and wounds over the years.

But then I have read that it can help reduce the effects of a rash and sunburns and even help reduce the redness of acne. That’s pretty cool, but I don’t get sunburns and I don;t have acne. It is also great for headaches and migraines. This I knew. I am a migraine and cluster headache sufferer and I have used ice packs over the years to ease a headache. But what really got me to try the face icing was the fact I have read that it can help your face products absorb better into the face and reduce the signs of aging. Hmmm, now I have always thought that using heat by opening the pores was the way to get the products into the first few layers of skin. But I am learning it is the heat of the shower, putting the face products on, then icing that will help to sink those products into more layers of your skin. And as far as the anti-aging, well, at my age, who doesn’t want to reduce a little bit of the signs of aging. So I figured I would never put an ice cube to my face so why not try a cold facemask?!

I found this face mask which also came with a set of eye patches. Shoot for a whopping $9 I figured I couldn’t beat the price and I know for sure I would at least use the eye masks. Here is a link to them:

So one of the things I really like about this set I purchase is the fact you get a 2 for 1 at a really great price. But I love the effects of this mask. One side of the facemask is like a velvety type material that defuses the freezing cold, while the other is a typical soft icepack plastic. It also has two straps that go around your head so I can use it standing, sitting or lying down. That is very convenient. The eye masks are just 2 discs that you place on your eyes while laying down. But I will say, I have tried them under the facemask while sitting and that works as well.

I have been using them every day for a little over a week since writing this article. I pull them out of the freezer and place them on my face every morning after my shower and my face creams. Then, while they are doing their magic, I get dressed, shoes, deodorant, etc.. I only leave them on for about 10 minutes while I am getting ready. Then back into the freezer they go.

A side note worth mentioning here is if you put them in the freezer, using the plastic side does not shield you from the intense cold. I use the fuzzy side when I put them in the freezer and I use the plastic side when I use them in the refrigerator. I am torn about which cooling effect I like better. the freezer is great, but the mask is stiffer. While the fridge leads to a more pliable mask, it does warm up fast.

I have to admit, I was amazed that I was getting better saturation of my face cream. At first, I thought it was because of the fuzzy material so I flipped the mask over and used the plastic side for a couple of days and got the same results. WOW! That was great. I have also noticed less puffiness around my eyes and face in general. Now I am not a dermatologist nor a beauty blogger, but this thing is my new friend and daily routine. Do I think it is worth the $9? Yup, I sure do.

If you are interested in trying the facemask I bought click here. Have you ever used face icing? How do you do it? Give me a comment either here, FB, IG, or Youtube and let me know your thoughts on face icing.

When Your Feeling Down-10 Easy Ways to Being Happy

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We all get the feeling of being depressed from time to time. However, it doesn’t necessarily mean you are clinically depressed. 

Those of us with BBAB bodies can get these feelings of being down, sad, depressed etc a lot. Especially since we are in pain everyday-all day. Pain can really bring you down. And if you have the added bonus of being over 50 and a BBAB body, then you know all too well the added stresses of aging can add to this down in the dump feeling.

I am not a psychologist. I certainly do not have the magic answer to why this happens or how to completely make it go away. But I do know what has worked for me over the years and I figure it might just work for you. Take what you want and leave the rest. And if you have a way of making the sad feeling go away that I did not mention, let me know. I am always willing to learn something new and try it for myself!

Let’s first hit on the difference between sadness and depression. 

Sadness every single human being in the entire world gets. It can be environmental, situational, or just even mental. But it is short-term and will go away within a few hours or sometimes days, depending on the reasons. While depression is a very long-term illness and is not to be dealt with lightly. It can compromise our jobs, school, relationships, and even our day-to-day function. So let me make sure you understand we are not talking about clinical depression here today but an overall state of sadness that most of us would call depression.

I have 10 things that I do when I get down. Sometimes I will go for it and do them all, while other times 1 or 2 will do just fine to bring me out of my mood.

#1: Put away social media for the day. We all know and have read how social media plays on our brains to want more, feelings of inadequacy, it causes our memory to be poor, and can actually lead to feelings of depression or sadness. So put the phone and computer away for the day or even a few hours if you are one to spend a ton of time on social media. If you can, do it for a small extended period of time like 3 or 4 days.

#2: Get some sun. We should be getting 15 or more minutes of direct sun every day. But most of us are cooped up sitting all day behind a computer. If you’re feeling down go hug a tree, smell some flowers, watch the bees buzz for 15 minutes and see if that sun on your face, back and the head doesn’t make you feel like singing “The Hills Are Alive with the Sound of Music”.

#3: Smile. Everyone you see, including your own reflection, smile at them all. Yes, even if they do not smile back. You see when you smile your brain lets off neuropeptides, dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins. These are things that help with stress, sadness, and even pain. So go smile in the mirror.


#4 & #5: Meditate for 5 minutes while breathing deeply. This step is really two things. You can do them separately, but I have found when I combine them I get the most benefit. One day I will go into more information about meditation but for now, I just want to say that this is not some praying to the universe or sitting on a pillow for 4 hours chanting. If you are into any of those things, then that is great for you, but for those of you who are not, this is just about laying down, relaxing, and focusing on the feeling of breathing. Sounds funny, but it works. And yes, your mind will wander, but come back to how the deep breathing feels in your nose, or in your chest, or the rise and fall of your belly. You can, if you want, repeat a word like calm or relaxed while doing this. Sometimes if my brain is really active I will do that, but most of the time I just focus on the rise and fall of my belly and the space in between the in-breath and out-breath. Do this for about 5 to 10

minute and you will feel refreshed and happier. And if you cannot lay down, sit comfortably, and if you can lean your head on a wall so you are relaxed. But if you feel like you are going to fall asleep crack open your eyes just a tiny bit to let some light in.

#7: Do 3 things you love to do today. Maybe that means spending some time with a favorite person. I know that a lot of the time it is people who make us disappointed which in turn makes us sad and feel underappreciated or not loved. But everyone has that one person that makes them feel good. Or maybe you like to draw, sing, color a coloring book, take a drive, play with makeup, or bake cookies. Whatever it is, do 3 things you love!

#8: Learn something new. Now, this does not mean you have to go to school. It could mean you read an article, read a good how-to book, listen to a podcast or grab a magazine and learn how to cook a new meal tonight. When we stop learning new things our brain goes into a feeling of uselessness. When we learn new things we have the feeling of wanting to share our newfound knowledge which in turn perks us up.

#9: Be spontaneous. How about helping a stranger. Buy a homeless person a taco, tell the guy at the drive-thru window you will pay for the car behind you if you see someone struggling getting something off a shelf get it for them. Try a new restaurant for lunch. Or maybe you grab a co-worker’s hand and dance in the middle of the office for 2 minutes. Anything that is fun, exciting, or helpful that is out of the ordinary for you. Watch how you smile the rest of the day!

#10: Exercise. Uugghh! Yes, I went there! I know this sucks, but you know I am right. Exercise fills those endorphin needs as we talked about earlier with smiling. It does not have to be hardcore, but maybe go in your yard and throw the ball and chase your dog for 10 minutes, walk around your block. Do you want something easier? Park at the farthest parking stall in a parking lot, take the stairs at work, etc. I know what you’re saying “But I cannot walk that far”. OK, then walk in the place, swing your arms while sitting in your chairs, stand up and just swish those hips, dance, etc. Anything to get your body moving will help. 5 minutes to 10 minutes or whatever time you have. 

I ended with exercise because this is my #1 way I feel happiest. My daily hiking and yoga takes me to a different world away from everything that bothers me and makes me the happiest I can be. If I start my day with this I know for sure I will, at least, start my day happy. As my environment and body break down, yes the stresses of the day get me down, but that is when I pull out the other 9 things to try to make me feel happier.

I hope this helps you a little bit. And please don’t get me wrong, there are days I will wallow in my sadness, but almost every day I try to pick myself up and make myself happy. Let me know what you think and if there are some other things you have tried that work for you. Go forth and be happy! 🙂

Why Do I Use Trekking Poles?

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Someone on Instagram Direct Messaged me asking about my trekking poles. They wanted to know why I would decide to keep my hands from being free and what the benefits are to me for using them. So I decided to take that question and write a post for others out there who might be interested in trekking poles, why I use them, and how to choose them. So here we go.

There are many pros and even a few cons to using trekking poles for your hikes and even neighborhood walks. I thought I might list a few here for you. Let’s start with the Pros…

First off and the most important to me is they take the strain off my knees and ankle joints. When you hike, especially downhill, there can be a huge amount of pressure on the knees and ankles and my poles allow me to transfer some of that pressure to them. They also take an ENRMOUS amount of pressure off my back. I just took a hike without them in my last IG Video post and let me tell you, my back was aching that evening and well into the next day. By allowing me to transfer some of the work to the poles (and by keeping my posture in alignment) either uphill or downhill, they take an extreme amount of pressure off my joints and allows me to hike longer and farther. I have noticed a huge difference in the quality and the length of my hikes since I purchased my poles.

My trekking poles help me to go faster. Wait. What? OK, with the poles they help me to maintain a good pace therefore, I usually end up going at a faster pace. The hike I took without the poles, my average mile was 40 minutes (hills) but with the poles, I average 25-30 minute miles. I would say that is a huge difference. I am not one to care much about my time, but 10-15 minutes per mile can mean the difference between getting tired while hiking and being tired while hiking. Get it?

Balance baby! Because I have broken every joint in the lower half of my body and have really screwed up my back, I do not have the greatest balance! When you are trekking up some of these rocky trails, balance is a huge issue. You need to have it or else this is when accidents can happen and on some of the trails I hike some really bad accidents could occur.

Trekking poles are a full-body workout. When I use them, especially going uphill, I really dig those spikes into the dirt and use my arms to help pull me up those hills. This gives my arms, shoulders, pectoral muscles, and even my obliques a good workout. The first few times I used my sticks my upper body really felt it. I was sore as if I had worked out at the gym. I remember getting up the next day asking myself why in the world my chest was aching. Trekking poles baby!

Animal Control is another huge reason to use them. There have been many occasions I have had to steer off another dog from coming up to Raven (my dog). Usually, those strange dogs are either on one of those retractable leashes (can’t stand those) or have an owner who thinks all dogs need to be friends. I have put the pole in between my dog and the other hikers’ dog. It scares them which in turn keeps them away…every time. And I am pretty sure it would work on wild animals. Thank God I have not had the opportunity to try the wild animal theory out.

Lastly, they are great for backpackers. I have not had the chance to use them for this either, but they can be used as tent poles. Hmm, go figure. Plus if you hike in the winter in ice (I’m in Southern Calif) then they can help you to break up ice on the trails. OK, well those last two, I have not used them for, but I have read this to be the case.

In a very quick and simple nutshell, trekking poles, which you will hear me say hiking or walking sticks or even hiking or walking poles, assist me in walking by giving me stability, reduce the strain on my back, and joints, help me to hike faster and farther, give me the balance I need on the hills, and ward off other animals.

So what are the cons? Well, there are a few and the most obvious one is your hands are not free. If you need to do a hand-over-hand climb on a really rocky trail, the poles obviously are in the way. That is one reason why you would want to get telescoping or folding poles. This way you can put them in your pack to free up your hands.

The cost can be REALLLLLLY expensive. I have seen poles in the $500 range. Yes, you read this correctly. Crazy!!!!. But you really don’t need to spend a ton of money. Especially if you are just starting out. As long as they are of decent quality, you can get some for as little as $40. Those extremely expensive ones, I feel, are more for backpackers and people who have a good amount of money to throw around. I am not saying that they are not worth the money, but I have had mine for two years and they have held up through some serious abuse! Including banging them as hard as I can on the ground to scare off snakes!

There are several types of poles. I am not going to go into an exhausted list of what to buy, but I want to give you a simplified rundown. There are Aluminum and Carbon Fiber poles. Carbon is lightweight and is a durable fiber reinforced plastic. A lot of hikers like them because they are tremendously lightweight. Carbon tends to be a bit pricy! Aluminum is also pretty lightweight but they are exceptionally durable and tend to be much more affordable for the average hiker. I prefer Aluminum because they are much more affordable than carbon fiber yet have the durability a big-boned hiker needs.

There really are only three types of poles, telescoping, fixed, foldable. Well, there are also the fixed wooding hiking sticks. But we won’t really go into that. They are on a whole different level than trekking poles. I’m going to start with fixed trekking poles. I truly do not recommend these. They would have to be at the perfect height for them to work properly and honestly, they are more like a ski pole than a trekking pole. If you truly want a fixed pole, go pick up a wooded hiking stick. That, in my opinion, is a much better option and will last you forever compared to a fixed trekking pole. The foldable poles are nice because they fold down to a very small package and these fit nicely into your backpacks. They’re also good for travel because of their compactness. By my favorite is the telescope poles. these allow me to fully adjust them to the height I need for the hiking I am doing. If I am going up a really steep hill, I can make them shorter to help me out. If I am on a flat trail, I can adjust for that. I like the versability of telescoping poles.

Now for the handles, there are three popular types. Cork, foam, or rubber handles. Rubber handles are very affordable and very durable, but when you get sweaty they tend to slip and they can really cause some nasty sores. Foam handles tend to be the most comfortable, but they break down super fast. Whereas cork you have the best of all the worlds. They are extraordinarily durable, comfortable on sweaty hands, and are pretty affordable. But honestly, the best advice is to get a pair of weight lifting or hiking gloves. It cushions the hands, allows for a great grip, and keeps the sun off the hands. My Favorite ones are These pretty floral ones. Great cushion and since they are leather (sorry Mr. moo moo) they are going to last a long time.

As you can see there are a lot of choices out there. But honestly, there is no right or wrong choice. It really depends on you. What is your preference? What do you like, what feels good, and what can your pocketbook afford? I have the telescoping, aluminum poles with cork handles. I chose this combination for my hiking poles because I wanted something extremely lightweight but also was sturdy enough to bear my weight. Remember I am a plus-size woman so they need to be durable. I did not want them to give out just when I need them most. And for the very same reason, I chose the poles that collapse into themselves, telescope, instead of folding because after checking them out in the store I felt they were just more sturdy. Now for the grip, I have to say that cork is going to be the better choice. Rubber is uncomfortable and foam won’t last very long on the trails. Cork will last a very long time. Well, 2 years so far on mine and not a worn down spot on them yet!

One last thing I want to mention is rubber caps. Please make sure whatever poles you choose to purchase come with at least 1 set of rubber caps that will cover the carbide tips. This is important for two reasons. If you decide to use these walking on concrete, you will definitely need them. Otherwise, your poles will slip on the smooth surface and you could damage whatever pavement or wood you are walking on. Also when storing or transporting your poles, in some cases, having the tips can protect whatever you are storing them in.

So now you ask, which ones do I have or I like? I am going to give you some links to some of the ones I like. And yes I will give you some affordable ones. I am not one to spend tons of money on gear. Especially since I know, in this case, it may not make a huge difference if you spend $0 or $140. But you should go to your local camping stores like REI or even Target or Walmart and put your hands on the grips and play around. You don’t have to buy them right away, but at least you will get the touchy-feely thing out of the way. And you can decide which grip or type of pole you like.

Below are a few of my favorite poles.

Good luck to you. I hope this post helps you to make the decision to use trekking poles or not and gives you a few good choices to choose from. Look for more posts on hiking and yoga gear.

Holy Guacamole Batman, I Did It!

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  • This is my view point of just a portion of Peralta Hills
  • Yes, we just came down that!
  • Noooo, we have to climb up to get home?
  • Get ready for some dirty hands climbing up this mountain.
  • Almost there friend! We can do this!
Just a few shots at our mountain. AllTrails said 35% grade. Eesshh!

Holy Cow, we did it! Yesterday, if you have been following me, I went on a hike and found a really steep mountain I wanted to climb. I tried a portion of it and got scared because I was alone and headed back. But I knew I was going to conquer that hill if it was the last thing I did. Well, why not the very next day.

Last night I texted my girlfriend Kathy who hikes with me 1 or 2 times a week. I asked her if she was going to hike with me tomorrow and she said sure. I also asked her if she wouldn’t mind if we did harder than our normal hikes, and again she said yes! Whoo-hoo! Now I had a partner to go down and back up this mountain and be there in case something happened and I needed help. I went to bed feeling ecstatic in anticipation for the next morning. I arose at 5 am feeling ready to go, did my morning yoga session, and off I went to the park.

When we got to the park before we even set foot in Santiago Oaks Regional Park I asked her if she was OK with about a 35-40% trail grade and she agreed so off we went. When we got to the top of the trail, I think she did a triple take and was a little nervous about it even though she did not say it. We discussed how just 7 months ago, I would have never even contemplated doing a trial like this. I did not have good balance or footing and my fear would have overtaken the hike. As a matter of fact, we did a trial, Grasshopper, that was a pretty good grade and very rocky once at the beginning of the year and I almost had a heart attack doing it. I was terrified and vowed NEVER again!



Well, that never is here. Kathy and I took on Peralta Hills Trail going down very gingerly and slowly making sure every step was secure and firm. It took us probably a little longer than a nimble, not big or broken 20 years old would do, but we got to the bottom of that huge hill. As we meandered further along the trail we were keeping a close eye on the time. I wanted to give us double the amount of time it took us to come down to go back up. I wanted to make sure Kathy was able to get back to her car so she could get to work on time.

Once we were good ways down the trail it was time to turn around. Yeah, that is when the reality of what we had to do to get back to our cars set in. Yup, we had to climb that hill. So off we go. I have to be honest, it was not as bad as I ever thought it would have been. Going down was way scarier and harder. Thank God for my trekking pole. They help me so much with balance and keeping that firm footing on the path as well as giving me a full-body workout while I hike. Poor Kathy she does not have a pair.

Anyway, about 1/4 of the way up Kathy started feeling sick in the tummy. It was time to stop! Unfortunately, she was dehydrated and overheated. She had not hydrated up the night before or that morning. You see when you hike, run, or whatever in this kind of California summer/fall heat, it is so important to drink plenty of water the day before and then drink at the extreme very least 8oz when you get up an hour before the hike. Anyway, I told her to sit right there in the middle of the path, drink, and cool off! I had some extra iced water for my dog (clean water) and I poured some over her head and gave her some to drink as well. We actually had a nice cyclist stop and ask if everything was ok and if we needed help. Aww, most of the people I meet on the trails are so nice. Then we proceeded to watch this guy go down this ridiculous steep mountain at a speed that made my tummy start hurting!



Once we got her tummy and legs feeling a bit better we headed back up. Now I have trekking poles and my girlfriend does not, so unfortunately there were a few spots she had to use her hands to get up that hill. I am very grateful for my poles because my hands stayed clean-ish.



It was the most exhilarating climb I have had on these trails since I started back to hiking mid 2020. When we got to the top I stood there looking out and then I could not help myself. I put my arms high up in the air and screamed “WooHoo”! The rest of the hike was just basic, nothing too hard, but the whole way back to the car I was smiling. I (we) had achieved something I never thought I could do. We both felt so accomplished and able. Even as I write this I am still on a hiker’s High!

I am glad I decided to start sharing some of my hikes with you all. It has made me realize just how much I have accomplished in such a very short time. Especially since I am going backward and writing out my journal from early on in my journey. You can check out some of those posts on the category called My Journals.

Let me tell you if I can do it so can you! I mean obviously, you have to start at whatever level you are at, but just start. I have another girlfriend who is an ironwoman and runs miles and miles. And I realized one day when I was looking at her post and wishing I could hike and be able to keep up with her that she, at some point in her life, started out small as well. She did not go out the gate running 30 miles a day, right? And that is what I have learned from my experience with these hills I am hiking.

About 1 1/2 years ago I was on a scooter for most things that required any amount of walking including the grocery store. I would have never been able to walk the entire OC VegFest like I did last weekend. I was not able to go to Costco and walk the entire store without a scooter. Shoot I wasn’t able to stand and cook a full meal without sitting down every 5 minutes. And NEVER would I have been able to climb the mountain I climbed today!

Yes, I still use my scooter sometimes when I have problems standing still in long lines or anything that required lots of hard concrete walking like Knotts or Disney, but just look at what one step at a time haS done for me? I have come from quitting teaching choir because I could not handle the pain of 3 hours of teaching to hiking a 35% grade mountain. One step at a time has changed my life and It can do it for you as well! All you have to do is start and not expect your body to do what it used to do before your illness or injury. You want to start hiking and live near me, contact me. let’s do it TOGETHER!

BTW, when I say we hiked an hour I meant just an hour going down. We hiked another hour+ going back up.

OCVegan Fest is Back

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This is a 360 view of the OCVegan Fest Use your mouse or fingers to view it in it’s entirety

Some of you may know that I am a pescatarian/vegetarian. I went from a meat-eater to a vegan right after Easter 2012. I was feeling bad all the time, always had an upset tummy, sluggish. I had done some research on different ways of eating to make my tummy feel better and decided since I was not a huge meat lover anyway, trying veganism couldn’t be that hard. Well, I was wrong, going from meat 3x a day to nothing was not an easy task. Not hard to stop eating meat, but hard to figure out what to cook.

Anyway, after about 2 months of trying to figure it out, reading, reading, and more reading, I decided to go more of a vegetarian lifestyle with eggs and cheese now and then. Plus I had to think of my family. All three of them were vigorous meat-eaters. Well, eventually, I decided to add fish back into my diet. I am a massive fish lover. I grew up eating squid, clams, trout, salmon, etc. I could eat it 24/7. Now I only eat it when we eat out or 1X a week at home. So that is, in a very brief nutshell, how I went from meat-eater to pescatarian/vegetarian and I feel my best when I stick to very little eggs, no milk, and a little cheese and lots of colorful vegetables with some fish 1 or 2 times a week. My tummy feels better too. And the best thing, my family (even though they won’t admit it) feels better too without all that meat! But this article is not supposed to be about my eating habits…LOL.

After a very long wait, the OCVegan Fest is back. They actually changed their location and it is better. And let’s not confuse this with the SoCal Veg Fest which is 10X the size and happens only 1x a year. This is a small hometown (Santa Ana) one time a month food fest that happens in a nearby town to where I live.

I am so grateful that they are back. The food is Out Of This World delicious. If you have never tried vegan food, you don’t know what you are missing. My husband and I decided to have the Franks. I never was a huge Hot Dog fan when I ate meat (except when we were really broke), but these sausage dogs are the absolute best. OMGsh! There were also tamales, tacos, fresh-squeezed flavored lemonades, faux chicken and burgers, of course, fries, salads, shoot, you name it, they had it. My only complaint about the whole thing is they had about 4 tables with a tent over it and the rest were in the direct sun. For next month I am hoping they will bring out more tents, at least until it cools down.

On the other side of the fair were several traders selling their wares. It is always fun to look at what people are selling. Some of the products were crystals, homemade clothing, tie-dyed T’s, Mexican wrestling masks, vegan purses, jewelry, and more. I do hope since they are back the vendors will start wanting to come and sell and that as time goes on, there will be more and more vendors selling their goodies! it is fun to look at all the handiwork and buy the stuff you don’t really need and sometimes really need! LOL

The other thing is this is very dog friendly. My only complaint, it is on blacktop and only one tent for shade. It was a bit too hot for my all-black coated pooch. While we were eating, I shoved her under the table with some water to keep her cool. That worked well, but my poor shoulders got a bit of a beating while we were listening to some great music and munching on our lunch.

Overall, I am so glad we went. We had a great lunch and spent a couple of hours looking around, eating, and then strolling some of the shopping on the main shopping street in Santa Ana. If you are in or around the area, I highly suggest you check out the links above or below for them and come visit next month. They hold it every month. Hope to see you there next month!

@ocveganfest #ocveganfest @socalvegfest #socalvegfest